I'm "fine".....

"How are you recently?"
"I'm fine,thanks..."
It seem like a normal conversation for you,but,not for me..
I'm fine in other sense,
Spiritually,I'm damn exhausted and totally lost...

My grandpa passed away last Friday,
is fine for me,I still can accept the truth that he gone..
because this is the life's cycle...
This few days,
I was busy dealing with my grandpa's funeral..
Like hell,
running here and there,read the prayer,serving the relatives and...
watching the sorrowful scene(my mom and others aunt were crying so badly),while I can do nothing..!!!
I wish I can comfort them,but I speak no words..haizz...

I'm tired,tired and tired..!!!
I hope to take a deep breathe after my stressful exam,
but then,
my grandpa passed away,making me no time to rest at all...
Everyone have two faces,me too...
I showed my adamant side,because this is the only way to avoid people keep looking down on you...
I determined to get 4 flat in STPM,because I don't like my relatives and my new classmates to look down on me...
I'm not born with silver spoon,but I will change my future..and my family's future...
I don't have the courage to expose my weak side...
that's why I don't show others people my weak and helpless side,I don't........................
I believe in myself...
Just...wait me for 6 more years,I will show them that I,Juliana Koh Pei Nee is capable to change my family's future...
I CAN...

Am I strong enough??
Who knows??
just,i need some rest...
that's all...
I'm FINE...!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Single Valentile's day...

Yesterday was the day fulled of loves and surprises for those lovers...it's the Valentine's day...!!! ^^
Not for me of course...

Does Valentine's day so meaningful for everyone???~ DON'T KNOW...XD
Early in the morning,expect other lovers to celebrate in sweetly,while I will stand aside silently..hehe...^^
My friend wanted to give his flower to one Form 4 girl,but,he not dare to do so,he asked my monitor to give it to that lucky girl...how timid he was when dealing with love...
perhaps everyone are same either...
I'm a very good example..
IF I admire someone,I don't even dare to talk to him...wanna start conversation with him,but no ideas...><"...
No doubt,this year...I DON'T HAVE someone to admire....
maybe I was TIRED being cheated and cheated and CHEATED throughout the relationship...
I DON'T put my faith on men...
MAN are always liars....

My closed friend,XXX...just broke up with her boyfriend 4 days ago...
She professed that her bf started not to sms or call her after her birthday...
She always so care about him and waiting for him to come to her house to visit her family on CNY...because he did pay a visit to her family last year....
I don't know why her bf treated her like that..
She is nice girl,seldom go out with other guys...
She was so sweet when others talking about him...
this man sent a message saying that he the one who break up with her first...LOLX...!!
ei hello...why you need the word first??
He didn't send a single message since that time....><"
I don't understand,he is the one started to promise to take care of her and bla bla bla...(bullshit stuffs),but why the same person who let go of this relationship first..??
you know why?
BECAUSE MAN CHANGED swiftly...I mean some..
and I went through same situation as her...

IF YOU THINK YOU CAN'T HANDLE HER,DON'T START A RELATIONSHIP...!!
Please...I beg to all man in this world...
don't ever try to hurt the one you promised to take care....
GIRLS,love yourself...nobody love you better than yourself....

We are so young,no need so rush to find someone to love...^^
Happy single Valentine's day ..!!!^^

It is a sorrowful drama or what??

Early in the Friday morning,about 2a.m++....my dad received a call from my mother's sister..
An anxious and panic voice came out from the phone saying that my Grandpa was sent to hospital because he keep vomiting and totally fatigue...
without any hesitation,my parents rushed to hospital to make sure he is fine...
While I was at home praying.....

My Grandpa does not lives together with us,he is staying with his daughter-in-law and her children only(because my uncle passed away last year)...
Frankly,I dislike this aunt so much especially after this incident...
you will know why after I write everything about her....

SHE,perhaps is the daughter of the bitch...
SHE isn't showing a good example as a mother and a wife...


Story begin like this............................
Before my uncle passed away because of his heart failure,
I still can accept her as my aunt...
before my uncle's funeral,
she was just fine for me although I don't really like the ways she behaved...
she is a professional thief,stealing money from my house,and almost all my relatives(my mother side)and also her working place(this explain why she often change her job)...
she taught her four children the PROPER,AND APPROPRIATE ways to snatch others' wallets,phones and any stuffs that she wanted....
I can tolerate with her if she just only stole from my house...
however,I can't accept she is stealing my Grandpa's money when he was sleeping...
even when my grandpa was on the way to hospital,she still stealing from him..!!!!!!
Can you imaging? My Grandpa was totally unconscious and powerless to stop her..she still wanna stole it from my 80++ years old Grandpa....
She is not facing any financial problems (after my uncle passed away,she the one who inherit his insurance's money and etc),3 of the children is working too and so do her...
and why she keep stealing??!!!
Perhaps it have become her daily habits and she is addicted to it....@@

Story doesn't end like that...
once my uncle passed away,
she become the queen in that home and showed her true face...
Her stealing habits become worse and worse...
she not only steal,but...became a useless daughter in law....
She said to my mom and other aunts:
" I have no responsible to take care of your dad,he is your dad,not mine,I WON'T care about him. He have to pay me if he still wanna live along with me.That's all..."

I thought it was a dream,because this kind of scene and conversation will only be seem and heard in front of TV screen..
She changed dramatically....
show no mercy kicking my elder Grandpa out of her house..
then all my other aunts and mom keep quarreling with her,saying that the house was named under my Grandpa...
she the one who should leave,she refused to do so and CRY( hypocrite,isn't),saying that her husband just passed away and bla bla bla.....

However,my Grandpa resolved to stay with her(perhaps he was cheated by her tears)...
then,the Cinderalla story tale begin~~~~~~~
She not allowed my grandpa to phone us using home's no....
there's is one time,my mom phoned her to talk to my grandpa,she refused to answer my mom's calls,not only that,her son phoned back to my house to scold me with some ribaldry words...
This is the BRILLIANT mother that produce a INGENUOUS son...
Moreover,
she even not allowed my grandpa to eat with her(she said:"if you wanna eat,cook yourself,don't waste my money to look after you...")
therefore,my parents often asked him to come my house and enjoy lunch or dinner together..
Luckily my parents are not cold blooded human being...

~~~teng~~~~~teng~~~~~teng~~~~~
Now,she brought along with the expired breads to feed my Grandpa in hospital..!!!!!!
She wanna show to us that she have did her responsibilities as "filial" daughter in law...
BUT,she forgot that we can read the expiring date of the load of white bread....
she then said she is not free and some bullshit excuses not to visit my grandpa in hospital...
then,my mom cooked some porridge and bring some healthy meals for him...

I feel like wanna drive to her house,slap her and kick her ass on behalf of my Grandpa.....
but,I can't ;
I wanna let all people in this world to know this WOMAN and her defiant behaviors...
but,where to start?
I feel angry and fed up with her,I have try to control my patience and stand silently aside...
I hope she will change,but IMPOSSIBLE...><
I feel sorry and pity for my grandpa,but,I can do nothing....

haiz~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Grandpa,may Lord be with you...!!! God blessed you,please get well soon!!!

Dear Lord,please guide her and heal her soul...

Chinese New Year Celebration...

Today is 8th of Chinese New Year,today is also the day where most of the Hokkien people's important day...
But,not to me....I'm Catolik...that explain all...^^
and yet,now only I wanna write my blog about Chinese New Year Celebration...
no doubt,
I admit that I a little slow...haha...

This year Chinese New Year's holidays seem a little weird for me....perhaps is because brainless government who started our holidays 3 days earlier...,so we actually celebrated it for only 4days....lolx...
REALLY SPEECHLESS for their BRILLIANT's decisions...

...Suddenly.....
I recalled back my last year CNY's celebration...
It was awful,terrifying,unhappy and MOST meaningless celebration for me...
and yes,it was same day as Valentine's day....><"....
My uncle passed away,worked on the days of CNY><" and bla bla bla.....

This year,I agree that it was the most tiring CNY ever....
everything was just too rushing...
look like no time for us to prepare and really enjoy our CNY.....
BUT....
I was happy and satisfied with it....
Don;t know why...
perhaps is because I can went for visitation with bucks of OLD friends...
haha...I just like the feeling being in a group,a nice and fun group....
It is totally different from my situation now....
REALLY,the friends whom you just met can't compared with those who you have know for few years....
Even for a CNY's visitation(I mean my NEW friends) were so HESITATED to enjoy outgoing with us,can you imaging there about 20++ in the class(my ex-classmates),only FIVE were attended??
SPEECHLESS....so,I kept it silently.....perhaps,they think that visitation is wasting times....
I love visitation with my STCM's friends,it was fun,we talked any topics that came out from our mind,we don't care what it is...we just talked and talked and talked...
there's no SHY,EMBARRASSED and of course SILENT in our dictionary...
we can even hang out till late night...
I have to make some clarification here for my new classmates.
night outgoing doesn't mean you are BAD... =.="....ok??? and you all ad 19,still can't go till late night??? LOLX ......><"
However,I did manage to form my group Ji-Po's group with some my new friends..haha...
They are fine and nice...XD....
Luckily I still them as my friends....or else,I will suffering AUSTISM...

Back to CNY's celebration,
I have gained weight...lolx...T^T....
I can't resist the delicious and yummy cookies,snacks and drinks....
AND YET,now I'm drinking my Pu Erh tea as the slimming drink...haha....
it tasted good~~~~~~


hehe....I think that's all for today...

^^

I hate the feeling of PAIN....

Pain? what is pain? Why people suffer because of this?
Can't explain very details in here...
but one thing for sure...
I damn HATE the feeling of pain....

Two days a ago,I accidentally fell down at the roadside on the way to school...
My godness..!!!
Can you imagine it?
Well,
me myself also can't believe it....
It was such a embarrassing incident to recall back...><"...

Luckily,there's no people in front and behind me at that moment...
or else...I gonna dig a hole and bury myself in it...
BUT....there's always a but...
there was a lot got cars beside me,the drivers and the passengers in it had watched a nice show,perhaps a clown's show...><"
I can imagine how they felt about me when I walk until can accidentally fell down...
I don't why I can just kissed the roadside at that morning,by the time...there's no holes or other things that can cause myself to fall down...

Then,I quickly picked up my books and pretended nothings had happen...
I thought I didn't get any injuries because I can't see my hand and knees were actually bleeding...perhaps I too panic after that fall....><"...
After arriving the school...
I just realized that my palm and knees were so painful...
and I looked at them...
OMG...it's bleeding...
then I told my friends how I fell down...
they all laughed at me and said,
"aiyo,how come you walk also can fall down?? Are you daydreaming?? "
haha...
Indeed...
I really don't have proper answer for that...

As you see,
that was not my first time fall down and get injured badly...
but the question is,
WHY I always walk until can fall down???
Hmm....
I DON'T KNOW...!!! lolx....><"

then,I applied medicine with the help of my friend and also Mr.Chin...
It was such a embarrassing moment in my life...
I hardly can move or bend my knees after that"accident"...
the epidermis of my skin at the area of my knees had wore out because it kissed the road and stick on the it...
The pain is terrifying...!! Even now while I writing this blog,I can still feel the pain...T^T
When I bathed,I scream like a nut...lolz...
Same thing happen when I applied medicine on it....
I can't put my blanket while sleeping because it will touch my wounds,and wake me up from my dream because I can't stand the pain....!!

New life begin...

Yesterday night,I was busy countdown-ing with a bucks of friends...
31st December really was a memorable day for me...
Time flies like hell...
Just a twinkling moment,I'm now in 2011..gosh..!!!
and I was like..OMG.!!! I haven't done anything that really impress myself..=.="
Suddenly,I recall the incidents that happen in last year...
I still remember everything clearly...

2010 was a memorable year for me,
2010...I took my SPM result,thank you for those who lend me their helping hand when I faced difficulties in academic,and so,Miss Poh,I had proven that your student - I can scored in Physic without your helps,and also to let you know,I so damn hate you><" because of what you said and what you did to my brother!!!
2010... I broke up with him,the most hurting part,I guess...;I cried and being so down...I wish I could just forgive him and be friend with him as usual,but,I couldn't..so sorry,Ng Zheng,forgive my immaturity..
2010... had some quarrels with my friends,Weng Sheng and Chris,so sorry that I being so stingy when dealing with my relationship with him and made you all so fed up...I was blind that time until can't see the truth@@
2010...I separated with my closed friend - Anna,she further her studies at Genting Inti ; First time,we being apart,I was so hesitated to separated with her,but,life have to go on.. she's now studying in college,while I stunk in my Form 6 's life.. =.="
2010...I nearly enter Bakery college which is MIB,I collected all the information but my both parents disagree with my choice,they said I should choose a better path...then, I struggled and struggled,finally,I choose Form 6 as my final way...
2010...I registered myself at SMK GAJAG BERANG,the "top" school , I was so hesitated to study there,the teachers and the school authorities made me feel unfriendly,unlike in STCM...
2010... I being taught how to become pre-u student,thousand tan of schoolworks,assignments,tuition,presentations..lolz...X,X
2010... I met a lot of new friends regardless working or studying friends,I met my ex supervisor- a very nice and loves outgoing guy...glad to meet you,Eugene! Larry,@@...speechless when talk about him,17 years old ; Kai Xian,thank for teaching me the appropriate ways to enjoy china tea><"..; Wen li, laws are to be break,don't always follow the rules,and I can't be your whole life driver,must think your own transport,ok?^^ ; And my classmates and those whom I just met,wanna to let you all know,good to have you all as my friends..^^
2010... my first year to approach my STPM (Secondary final level exam) ,gosh . . . scared...!!!! T^T



However,2010 ended,I should erase those bad and awful memories,remember the sweet and wonderful moments...
2011,new year,new resolution..!!!!
New aims for 2011 are : get flying color result for my STPM,change my immaturity, behave like an adult,become MORE hardworking than before,don't getting into any relationship..!!!!
JULIANA KOH PEI NEE,must gambateh gao gao..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YES,I can...!!!!!

New experience....

I looked for a job during my holidays so that I can earn some pocket money and have a new experience....
And yet,I found one...
Thank Chui Xuan for introducing me this job..
Well...
I worked as promoter for my lady boss in introducing our new products...
Our shop(should I called our?cause I just worked for 9 days)are specially dealing with Pu Erh Tea(China,Yunnan)...
I not the person who like to drink Chinese tea...
because it tasted worse,bitter somemore...
But,my thought changed after I worked for this lady boss...
She quite busy with her stuff during this EXPO period...
She have to rush to KL for her degree's courses...
so,she just left the stall for me and the other worker...
I like this worker(not the lover's like lah),is a guy,called Kai Xian,20 years old...
He can't speak English properly or I should say,he can't understand English well(not his fault because he studied at Pay Fong)...
now,back to our topic...
why I like him?
yet,the answer is...
I like the way he dealing with the tea's buyer(customer),the ways how he demonstrates techniques in drinking the Pu Erh Tea...
what should I say?
AWESOME?
yup,really awesome..^^
the tea made by him was NICE and PLEASANT to drink..!!!
from that moment,I fall in love with Chinese tea...
besides,he quite funny and humor guy...
Good to have he as my new pal..^^

I met many new friends during my working time..
you see...
I can't sit tight at my working place only..
that's why...haha...
making new new friends was NICE... =)
This job also worth for me,although the paid(RM60 per day & included meals) might seem a little bit low for some people...
but,it is rather than jobless...
RIGHT?
the most important is,I learned somethings through this job...
so,it is worth..!!!! ^^